Happy Monday!

Three reasons this is a kickass Monday:

1. My power has come back on.

I have been without power since Thursday night (the night also known as "The Apocolypse: Beta Version"). If you live in a cave in Montana you might not know that one of the worst storms in Seattle's history touched down pretty much squarely on top of my house that night, with winds reaching 90 miles per hour and approximately 1 inch of rain in 45 minutes (flash flooding, anyone?). Because it is a frigid fall here this year, lack of power translated into a 39 degree, dark home all weekend. Well, at least I presume that's what it meant. You see, the moment the rain began to fall and the lights to flicker, I was out of there faster than a white man in a French Quarter "PopEye's Chicken" restaraunt. I spent all weekend and the end of last week crashing in various people's houses -- smart people with generators or poor people who live in Tacoma (where the power did not go out) -- eating their food, sleeping in front of their fireplaces, showering, and generally wearing out my welcome.

And when I got home last night, lo and behold, power had been restored! And I, ever the consumer-whore, took a 45 minute hot shower and then got into my electric-blanketed bed, leaving the christmas lights on all night long, just to make up for all the energy I hadn't used over the weekend blackout.

[74.2 percent of the above is exaggeration. Except for the wind speed and temperature parts. Oh, and the racial slur, which I am excusing myself for, because I've actually seen a white man necessarily quickly exiting a PopEye's Chicken restaraunt in the French Quarter. That man was my dad, and he almost got his ass kicked for being a "Yankee". Either that or the confederate flag on his shirt. No, no, I am only kidding. Sorry. I'm just not that funny today.]

2. This video has solved my long-standing dillemma as to what to put on my Christmas list this season..

{UPDATE: I have now watched this probaby about 63 times, and have determined that, though Saturday Night Live has been slacking for some time now (did you see that one with McDreamy? Terrible.), this is possibly the best shit that's come out of that show for a while. Also, props to JT. He's actually quite funny.}

Warning: this is somewhat explicit. If you work in a cubicle or next to your boss, a nun, or a Mormon, I advise clubbing them with a heavy stapler until they slip into temporary unconsciousness before viewing. Or you could just wait until home. Either way.

3. Tis the season for everyone I advertise with or manage to kiss my ass.

This year, I've gotten particularly awesome Christmas gifts from vendors, ad account reps and business associates, including three kick-ass presents today alone, including this, these, and this (in white)!

I expect this will continue through the end of the week, which makes me very very happy. The only thing better than getting gifts is giving them.

No, I lied. Getting gifts is pretty much the most awesome thing ever.

[I used to be a Giving-is-better-than-Getting type, but last year, after gifting everyone I know including two ex-boyfriends and one homeless person and being pretty much crippled by debt, I've decided just to allow myself the pleasure of a short shopping list and lots and lots of recieving this year.

I'm sending out extra Christmas cards to make up for it, of course -- cards that feature my head superimposed as the top ball on a snowman -- but my gift list is refreshingly short. Fuck it, I figure. Once in a while, we're all allowed just to sit back and recieve.

I've even been practicing my "thank you's" and "it's PERRRFEEECCCT!!!" squeals in my bathroom mirror every night before bed and after flossing, just to be sure I'm prepared. Now I'm just waiting for my Mercedes in the driveway with the big fucking red bow on the top. Oh, wait, those commercials are completely retarded and impossible. And I don't have a driveway.

Eh, whatever.]

Happy Monday, all!