February 02, 2006

Hey groundhog! How about a nice warm cup of shut the hell up?

Hey! Guess what? It's been raining for ever in Seattle. Now normally I like the rain, but I've been in a bit of a slump lately. I could use the pickup of a little sunlight these days... and instead I've got mushy, soggy, gray, drizzly, drippy, sniffly, puddly rain. MAJOR buzzkill.

In fact, according to the Seattle P-I article posted 8 hours ago and linked above, the only creatures in the Northwest feeling positive enough to copulate are amphibious. That's right. Webby feet. Warty skin. Cold blood.

"To like the weather over the past month and a half, some might say, you'd have to be a toad. Not true. You could also be a frog, salamander or other amphibian, judging by the way the critters have been breeding, wildlife experts say."

And I guess there were only 2 non-rainy days in January. TWO. Days without RAIN. Do you have any idea how old that gets, and how fast?


I love Seattle. I really do. I love the fish markets and the ferries and the ocean views and the mountains and the green and the people and the safeness and the music and art and food and culture... But I could use ONE sunny day. Just one. ONE.

I bet even the ducks and the slugs and the newts would appreciate it.

Oh, and FUCK the groundhog. I hate rodents. I'd rather jab scissors into my quads and twist than take advice or prophecy from one. Just being honest.


auntiegrav said...

I am always glad to help with THAT!

Just ordered some scatter ammo for my Groundhog ShutterUpper yesterday. (I'm too old to waste time on stakeouts anymore) Got one of them little bastards burrowed right by my barn. Stupid dog just wants to herd it, not kill it.
He didn't come out yesterday, or he would NOT have gone back in his hole.

I know, another reference to weapons. Amazing how many personal problems on the farm can be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. (I stole that from a T-shirt). I've even got a tool that uses ammo to put nails into concrete. Tools 'R' Us...
I tried to explain to my intern that farming is mostly about killing stuff and cleaning shit. The granola-eaters like to say 'harvesting' and 'composting'. I call it like I see it. I really get a kick out of the idea of these 'live' traps.
They always show some cute little bunny or raccoon with their cute little fuckin' hands in a picture on the box. One question: "Now what?"
Ever had a caged wild raccoon piss on your car seat or try to take your hand off through the wires? Nasty, dirty, mean. That's why they have that mask, so you don't trust 'em.
I'm digressing on rodents....seeya.

Ixtab said...

"I hate rodents. I'd rather jab scissors into my quads and twist than take advice or prophecy from one."

Hilarious, that. Although I kind of like the little critters myself. Personally, I don't know what I'd do without the Reality TV Chinchilla to tell me who's making it through to the final 24 on American Idol.

Sympathizing with you on the rain situation. We've had nothing but snow for three months now, but at least you can do stuff with it, like build igloos and stuff it down people's pants.

Mister Underhill said...

May I please borrow a couple inches of rain. I love the rain. Which is why I live in vegas. Because I am a masochist.

Trebuchet said...

Auntie - your dog and I would get along famously. While I dislike rodents, I dislike killing stuff more. I could never do the killing part when it came time to butcher chickens growing up. Shit, I can't even squish a spider or spray a cockroach. I appoint other people in my life to do that dirty work... or I put a glass upside down over it and hope it dissapears.

Ixtab - Spot on with the snow thing. I know it gets old, I've heard that a million times, but every once in a while when we're going on our 33rd day of rain around here, I squeeze my eyes real tight and just think **FREEZE**. Anything *over* and *over* and *over* can make you a tiny bit homocidal. It's the "It's A Small World" effect.

Underhill -- In order to keep Vegas from becoming a sandy sinkhole, you're going to need more than a few inches, I hear. Isn't the elevation of Vegas slowly dropping because you're using all the water or something? Oh, maybe I read that in the Onion. Sometimes I confuse fact with fiction. But either way, I'll see what I can do. I know people.

auntiegrav said...

Re: The business of Chickens. "The only thing worse than killing an American's food for them, is to make her do it herself." (used to be, "The only thing worse than doing a union man's job is to make him do it himself."

"AAAAAnnnimals---disgusting." That's two quotes from "Hercules" in a week. See if you can remember the other one.

bradatlarge said...

I am sooo glad that I didn't move to Seattle this summer.

I was within a hare's breath of being in the midst of this rain-fest with y'all.