August 30, 2006

Fanny feedback, and the angriest cities in America.

I got quite a few emails about the Fanny Pack Crisis America is facing at the hands of designers who have spent too much time doing coke and being ironic and flamboyant, and I thought I'd share a couple with you.

It seems I'm not the only one who's noticed this resurgence of fanny accessories. Jason wrote:

"There was a young woman that came in my work with a fanny pack, more of a hips sack, like makeup counter girls wear. We had a discussion about it. We determined that the fanny pack/hip sack only works if you are European. Just my input."

Okay, fair enough. European men can, after all, get away with riding on Vespas and carrying man bags while being straight, and european women can get away with not shaving their underarms, legs, or upper lips and smelling vaguely of cheese and patchouli. So I'll give you that, if only because they're doing so much else that's hideous that I can't bear to fight the fanny pack battle with all of Europe.

But how awkward was that conversation at your workplace, Jason? I mean, we're in AMERICA. And by the end of the conversation, you'd determined that the poor woman sporting the ugliest bag known to mankind better either take it off pronto or buy a plane ticket to Prague! Ouch.

The way you say "we had a discussion about it" makes me uncomfortable - like when my friend's father sat me down to have a discussion about sex -- when I was 19.

I have to say, I still tend to identify with Pat (of Texas -- land of ten-gallon hats and frat-dicks with striped polo shirts and spiky hair), though, who writes:
"um...fanny packs were NEVER really in. Like, I had one to carry my herd of carnivorous dinosaur toys in second grade."

Word, Pat. Fanny packs were purely utilitarian even before we had a sense of style. Pat rocked the pack to carry his plastic dinosaur toys, so when he got his ass kicked on the playground for bringing plastic dinosaur toys to school, he could run using both arms without risking dropping them.

He knew they weren't cool, but he carried it because when you get sat on everyday at lunch by Big Dan, the somewhat special kid who weighed 150 lbs at the age of 7, you knew you weren't going to be cool, so you might as well be practical.

Good luck with that, Pat. Rock on.

In other news, my buddy Dave sent me THIS , which you must check out. It's an article on MSN listing the top 150 angriest cities in America.

The most angry city? #1 goes to Orlando, Florida. In fact, Florida has 5 cities in the top 12, and isn't listed after that. So basically it's a pretty pissed off state, in general.
And you know what? I'm not surprised. All those fucking hurricaines and alligators in the ditches and the stifling, deadly humid heat, and the toll booths everywhere -- they'd piss me off, too. Add tourists and voter fraud/the recount (see angry mob, pictured at left), and you've got yourself a city built on rage and resentment.

Seattle comes in solidly in the middle of the pack, which I attribute to the fact that while we do have 4 solid months of gray drizzle, we are typically well-medicated (antidepressants do wonders to allay anger and depression) and quite fit as well as caffeinated. So it's all about balance, really.

Check it out. And enjoy the three-day weekend!! I'll be at Bumbershoot, watching Zero7, Kanye, Atmosphere, Speaker Speaker, Steve Miller Band, and my favorite group of all time: A Tribe Called Quest -- front row, probably sans shirt and three sheets to the wind. God, it's going to be epic. Will give you the full report upon my return (and after one full day of sobering up/hydrating).

Until then...


Blonde Vigilante said...

I left my wallet in El Segundo
I left my wallet in El Segundo
I gotta get it, I got got ta get it.

Okay, enough with that. Norfolk, VA...which is where I work, not live came in at #80. I am comfortable with that fact.

I hate when overweight people where fanny packs. The straps get stuck in the rolls and it's just not a good look. I mean, if you already have a FUPA...why add to it?

Trebuchet said...

Word! Norfolk, huh? What do people in Norfolk have to be angry about? I have no preconcieved notions (surprise, surprise) about that particular city, which I'm not that comfortable with.

Please, give me something with which to be judgemental and/or make sweeping generalizations.

jali said...

I'm proud that the city of my birth came in #57 - which is a lucky number for me BTW - that remeinds me - I'll go play megamillions tonight and have the cash to visit all the angry cities and generally eff around.

I've always maintained that a FANNY pack should be kept above or on the actual fanny - not on the big belly. I'd rather see a man purse than a fanny pack.

Chuckles said...

I use a man purse. I don't really like cargo pants and if I am not wearing a jacket, I need a place for all my junk. No man should leave the house without his black book, wallet, keys and cell phone. I also have an mp3 player but am not obsessive about it. I never leave the house without reading material because you never know when that mood will strike you. Sometimes you just want to crawl in Einstein's lap and read a book.

Some clarifications:
#1 If I had a land line, I would ditch the cell.
#2 By junk, I clearly mean the stuff in my pockets.
#3 By stuff in my pockets, I do not mean my...well, you see where this is going.
#4 Sometimes I leave all that crap but the wallet and keys behind.
#5 I was raised in several countries in Europe, does that make me look less lame for carrying my purse?

Chuckles said...

Oh and DC comes in at 25. 25!?!

That's it?


I am nuking someone over this.

Anonymous said...