July 31, 2006

Music-love and creepy search terms

Every once in a while a musician comes around that I can't help but gush about. Fiona is like this for me (if I were a man, I would be completely incapacit -ated by her, for sure). Same with Tribe Called Quest and People Under the Stairs. I almost also feel this way about Wilco and Bonnie Raitt, but not quite. And definitely Hendrix, but that's so cliche.

The point? Right. My new heterosexual musical crush is Jessie Baylin. (That's her, up there above all this nonsense you're reading). I can't get enough, and you can't download her off ITunes, so you'll just have to go here until her site is up. And here is good,because there are four songs you can listen to, full-length. So go here.

DO IT!

She actually reminds me a bit about a non-angsty (or almost so) Fiona... same deep, rich tone in her voice, but totally accessible and very sexy. So basically not so crazy. And with a touch of jazz about her. To my male readers: fantasy material looks. Love her.

Okay, I'm done now.

But she's rad.

In fact, I wish we were friends. So I could be sort of rad by association. And also be heartbreakingly hip, of course, running around with John Mayer and whatnot in Los Angeles wearing very outdated shoes that everyone else thinks are incredibly cool because they're ugly and that's ironicwhen you're beautiful and sorta famous.

God, that is pretty awesome, I imagine. Until you're no longer slightly famous. Because then you're either so famous that you're available for public humiliation or just some sorta vaguely pretty blonde in ugly shoes, with very few marketable skills, waitressing in a nasty diner where there are roaches, if not rats, in the bathroom alongside a mop that smells like a combination of egg-salad, mold and vinegar.

Sorry. Tangent. Jessie Baylin = RAD. Basically, that's all.
______________________________________

And now, for "search terms leading to Legwarmers":

wear shit pants
resolve chocolate stains
shit her pants drunk pictures of
blistering when wearing heels
clumsy but getting some
i want to try legwarmers in bed
naked with legwarmers
pictures of boys spray tanning

These all make a lot of sense, right? I mean, who doesn't want to know how to wear shit pants?

And who knew there were so many people with legwarmers fetishes? Welcome, friends. We don't judge here. (Well, unless you suck. Then we judge).

And as for the poor lost soul seeking pictures of boys spray-tanning, all I can say is WOW. Yay for the Internet: allowing creeps to be creepy 24/7, in real life and virtually. I am very, very afraid. Like, of you. (No, not you... YOU. Over there. In the little boys' underwear, rubbing that Spiderman doll where his bathingsuit would cover, were he to wear a bathingsuit and not that spandexy red and blue thing. Yeah, YOU.)

...

So, what have I learned from this little exercise?

I've really got to start writing about more of substance and intellect and less about, well, all of the above.

6 comments:

Danforth Withersby said...

are you posting from Australia? how is it the 2nd where you are?

Trebuchet said...

I'm just tricky like that.

How is it impossible to write where YOU are?

:)

Where, who, what? All the important questions go here.
Miss you!

Chuckles said...

Public nudity story is up.

jali said...

If you become friends Jessie will be considered rad based on her association with you.

You're a real cool chick.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I found your site by searching for "dealbreakers", which to date is my favourite post. That and the old man in the elevator.

Trebuchet said...

Were you actually searching for dating dealbreakers? If so, that's a minor miracle - you're one of 50 normal people (out of a few thousand) who read Legwarmers. Make it a regular thing and you might even become "cool" by association.

Congratulations!

(And please, PLEASE don't leave me with these people.)