February 06, 2007

Or, you could just wear your shirt...

I have talked to two different men in the last week who say they take off their shirts when they go number two.

Yep, I know. Bizarre, right?

And they both say this isn't restricted to just their homes. Public restroom? Shirt off. Work men's room? Yep. Porta-Potty? (Actually, I didn't ask either about a Porta Potty, but now I wish I would have. Meanwhile my general rule is to stay a minimum of .25 miles away from Porta-Potty's at all times, no matter how badly you have to pee. As for the other function? No way. )

This clothing removal thing disturbs me for two reasons. One is the basic concept. WHY would you remove clothing to use the bathroom? It's unnecessary, and the mental picture is so icky. Also, this is totally inconvenient. Imagine a man in a shirt and tie: he enters the bathroom, removes his tie, hangs it on that little hook on the door, unbuttons seventy million buttons (and those ones around his wrists), takes off his shirt, then his undershirt, and hangs those both over the door. He's now been in there for 4 or 5 minutes. People are coming and going and watching his clothes be flung over the stall door. He then sits down on the sani-paper, a weird, pasty-white man with his shirt off in a cold work bathroom, and does his deed. (Both shirt-removers are white, so by default, that's my mental picture. But a brown man shirtless on the pot is just as icky). Then, when he's done, he reverses the process. Clothes go back on. Does he tie his tie in the mirror with all the other guys watching? Do they know he just disrobed? And if he's taking off his shirt, why not go the whole way and get rid of the pants and socks, too?

[Actually, come to think of it, I think I did have an ex-boyfriend who took his shoes off when he went number two. I feel like I remember him saying something to this effect, and I just didn't ask more questions because it was weirding me out. Then again, this is also the ex who ate lasagna in the bathtub, so maybe the whole relationship was weirding me out, truth be told. But I digress.]

What's worse about my discovery of this strange male behavior is that I heard about it twice in one week from two different and unrelated men, which makes me believe it stands to reason this isn't a rare occurrance at all. Is it possible there are lots of men out there doing this? Or--gasp--women?

And why were both these guys -- one of whom I barely know, who made this revelation in a big group of people out on a Saturday night -- so willing to share this perverse and private detail?

It's like i'm in the twilight zone. Anyone?

12 comments:

Chuckles said...

I don't do this and I don't see why anyone would. It is odd, perhaps they haven't yet learned how to avoid pooping on their shirts. That is pretty easy to learn to avoid.

nico said...

I remember one Seinfeld episode where George also confessed to doing this.

Chuckles said...

George confessed to anything. Stick him in Gitmo and he'd tell you where he buried Hoffa.

Trebuchet said...

Chuckles: that's pure relief to me. No, not in that way. But I'm glad Seinfeld caught on to this weird phenomena -- makes me feel better knowing creeps don't run exclusively in my social circle. EXCLUSIVELY, anyway.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend in high school who did this... and still does. High school ended 13 years ago.

missy&chrissy said...

! one of my friends in college took off ALL his clothes whenever he went number 2. we thought it was the oddest thing. i think this is obviously a phenomenom to look into...

unbonhomme said...

okay. that is the SINGE most insane "male behavior" story I've ever, ever read. You seriously need to stay far, far away from these two.

And what the fuck? Lasagne? Bathtub?

Cheebus. What a bus load-a-wierdos.

Ben said...

I have never even heard of anything remotely like this. The guys must be pretty discreet. You never see clothes hanging over doors or anything. I guess all I can say is, at least you have interesting friends. If not a little deranged.

Drew said...

This is extremely common male behavior. I have a number of friends who do it. Not at work, though. That shit is intense. (Get it?)

Trebuchet said...

EEEEEEWWWWW! My worst fears, confirmed.

ashley S said...

this is funny because our friend was talking about how common this was and we didnt believe it so we googled it and found this..... gross and funny. this is great.

Anonymous said...

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