January 27, 2006

Mozart, Chuck Norris and wire tapping... oh, my!

Happy Birthday, Mozart!

I think I just found my new favorite place to shop online. Please note that I didn't say "my new favorite place to buy stuff online". I couldn't afford most of this even if I took a second job cutting diamonds. And I don't think I'd want to. But the design of most of it is awesome or clever or just unique. I have to say that their couches and chairs are not for the meek... particularly this stool. And I like that.


(I also like that you have no idea why I just "baaaaah-ed" unless you click the links that I put there pretty much exclusively for my own enjoyment. It's like my own little private joke with... me.)

Who EVER watched "Walker, Texas Ranger"? In appreciation of the awesome badness of this show and the innate comedy that Chuck Norris brings to everything thanks to the hair/mustache combo and his classic roundhouse kicks, I have compiled a list of links for your enjoyment:

First, a short musical tribute to the young Walker, Texas Ranger.

Next, how about some random facts about Mr. Chuck Norris, himself?

And really, this is the mack-daddy of Chuck Norris fact lists. If you're too lazy to read them all, here are a few:

"Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard."

"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

"Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian."

I gotta say, though, I'm a little dissapointed in ol' Chucky's response to these lists... singularly lacking in humor, sexiness AND threatening tone. (I'm sure now he's going to hunt me down and kick me to death, anyway, though.)

My geeky discovery of the week: Apparently AOL will be launching the first portion of a soon-to-be MySpace knock off in March. The social networking offering will branch off of the existing AIM, focusing tightly on user-created content, photos and music. Way to not innovate AOL! If this "AIM mee-tooing MySpace" thing isn't the most flagrant bandwagoning ever... We'll see what comes of this. I'll bet it will be flashing-advertisement hell. Good luck, AOL. Keep it up and you'll NEVER be the "Apple" or the "Google" of your market. Of course, you'll save millions on R&D, but if you don't start coming up with some ideas of your own, pretty soon you're going to be Reebok and Levis, leaving behind all hope of being Nike or Sevens -- ever. But it's cool. Old people need the Internet, too.

Finally, I swear to God I've had a few incarnations of this exact conversation with multiple friends before. My friends and I come up with the funniest material ever/the solution to every woman's problems in casual conversation ALL THE TIME. And then we spend like 30 minutes rolling on the floor at our comic genius or exclaiming how effing intelligent and insightful we are before we realize that we have totally forgotten what was so funny/smart in the first place. It's like we're perpetually on drugs, or something. (We're not). Bottom line: I HATE wasting the funny, and I do it all the time, and wire tapping is simply the perfect solution.

Have a good weekend!


auntiegrav said...

I don't know why someone hasn't decided to out-Chuck Chuck and just shoot Walker with a 'God' gun before he gets within legreach. (A 'God' gun is one big enough to make the victim think God is talking to them: like the Navy Seal's 20 mm, or a .50 at short range. It IS Texas, after all...) Oh yeah, it isn't in the script because Chuck writes the script.

How many Chuck Norris's does it take to change a light bulb? Chuck doesn't change light bulbs, he just STARES it down until it changes its.

auntiegrav said...


Trebuchet said...

I am a little afraid of your knowledge of weaponry, Aunti.

I think we should start a list of the top 10 celebrities with the all-time highest unintentional comedic value.

For example, I think it would be important to include Billy Joel, Bette Midler, and either Vin Diesel or The Rock, but definitely not both.

Maybe Pauly Shore, too, just because he's such an asshole that it's funny to make fun of him...

auntiegrav said...

My knowledge of weaponry comes from growing up in a family of Great White Hunters. Up Nort', eh. Where da rule of da woods is "If it moves, shoot. If it shoots, move."

I haven't seen much of Vin Diesel. But I vote for him over The Rock.

Of all time: Leslie Nielsen, perhaps. Started out as a serious cowboy western guy, can make anyone laugh. I'm probably pushing the "unintentional" into "accidental career change" there, though.
Recents: Liam Neeson. Mr Honor himself. Always a hoot to see him NOT laugh at his own roles. (Breathe, Liam, Breathe!)

Mister Underhill said...

Well, I didn't think anything could be lamer or more full of idiots than myspace, but I bet they will prove me wrong!

Trebuchet said...

::makes mental note to do a better job of making her Myspace profile hard to find::

Pat said...

Am I the only one on earth that has seen the movie Sidekick? This kid with asthma has episodes where his imaginary friend, Chuck Norris comes, and they have adventures together.