January 22, 2006

WOO HOO!!! (Also, content-based ads and the best cover song that no one's ever done)

You knew it was coming: THE SEAHAWKS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!! I'm pretty sure 2006 is going to be the best year of my life thus far, and this is just another reason why. It was crazy around here before, during and after the game -- downtown was a mess, everybody was partying, and the crazies were out in rare form.

Though I didn't end up getting tickets to the game, I DID throw a game-day party. This was a very close second to being there, AND we didn't have to stand in a cold parking lot drinking bad beer, or, conversely, stand in a cold stadium drinking expensive beer. Besides these obvious plusses (which I'm clearly just listing to make myself feel better for not being at the game), the party was a smashing success (which only means there were more people than just my roommate and I there) with a few key memorable moments:

1. Near-mandatory Seahawks face painting. My vision was just the standard football grease stripes in blue and green below our eyes, but this party trick went far beyond my wildest expectations. We actually had people with full-on seahawks painted on their faces, a few nose racing stripes, a couple "Go Hawks", and my personal favorite, the guy who paited an H, them made his mouth into an A, followed by WKS. It's difficult to describe here, but the end effect was something of a cross between a dirty frenchman's mustache and a carnie.

2. One partycomer, Mark, was the "quote of the day" generator. The two times he substantially chimed in to playoff party "conversation", if it can be called that, were absolutely priceless. The first time, someone asked what the name of the dog in Neverending Story was. Before anyone had a chance to process the question, Mark was all up in it. "Falcor!!!" he screamed, before turning back to the TV. The second time, he randomly told a story about how he used to put penis cutouts in elevator lights in college at Seattle Pacific University, thus casting a "penis shadow" on everyone in the elevator.

By the end of the night, we decided that we should all start a band - a 20+ person band - and call it "Falcor and the Penis Cutouts".

3. During halftime, we adjourned to the parking lot outside my house for a quick game of pavement football. As the game was played on cement, to tackle a player, it was determined that you had to grab their ass -- one hand only. The game was officiated by a guy who lives a few stories up in an apartment complex overlooking the parking lot, and his black Lab. It was a complete shit show. There were a few spectators from other surrounding apartments, I'll just say that. I can't decide if they were watching in glee or horror, or were deciding whether or not to shoot us/call the cops, but it was funny regardless. The final score was 7-0, and there was only one successful pass - completed by Josh2 (not Josh1, who is my roommate), who layed himself out on the cement. It was glorious - he didn't even hesitate. He just ran, dove, got the roadrash of his life, and completed the pass. Later, as he sat on the couch and bled, we gave him one of Josh1's old football trophies with a piece of paper taped onto the bottom that read "Josh: parking lot playoff game MVP 2006".

4. Mid-game, we noticed that I got a new neighbor. We noticed this because I have two enormous windows. One looks out onto Ballard, the bridge, and water. The other looks directly into an apartment. We spent a good quarter waving, gesturing, and considering mooning this new neighbor before we finally (using sign language) got him to come over and join us. He seemed a little overwhelmed at first, as we are a very noisy, very funny, and very enthusiastic bunch, but we immediately fed him pie, handed him a beer, and made fun of him. He took to it like a redneck to a pig.

5. Immediately following the game, Josh1 turned on the stereo, and the whole party (well, except for the again-frightened neighbor/new friend) erupted into a spontaneous Seahawk Superbowl Celebration dance to Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered". I cannot, for the life of me, explain how funny this was. Funny, and bizarre, and totally typical. Quote: "I didn't know it was that kind of party!"

All of these things were much, much funnier at the time. I think it had something to do with either our collective euphoria about the way we handed the Panthers their asses, or pheremones. One of the two.

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So I recently learned, the hard way, how "Content-based" ads work.
Google's "ADSense" actually makes no sense at all. All it took was ONE post with the word "underwear" in it, and suddenly the top of Legwarmers is plastered with the following ads:

"Munsingwear Sale 25% off
Regular and Big Man Underwear Free Shipping on orders $45 or more"

and this gem for disposable underwear, which I just don't understand at all.

Those were pretty good, but then, somehow, I got THIS weird ad, which had to be triggered by a combination of "pretty boy" and "spray tan", don't you think?:

"Men's Thong at SwimOutlet! Huge selection of swimwear and gear: The Swimming Superstore".

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I am a pretty big fan of decent musicians covering other people's songs. I recognize that some people loathe this, instead preferring original music, but I really enjoy hearing different takes on the same song. There is, however, a caveat: for a cover to be really, really good, it must be ironic. An example: Alanis' cover of Seal's "Crazy". It's a good song, she sings it well, no one got hurt. But it lacks irony. She IS a little crazy, and the song is totally in line with her image.

A good cover is unexpected, sounds totally different but reminiscent of the original, and is, above all, ironic. Think of the Wedding Singer version of "Bright Eyes". It's great and memorable because the movie cover took it from sappy to suicidal. It is beautiful.

I've given this some serious thought, and determined that I have a concept for the best cover of all time, which I will now share with you and subsequently someone will do and make a lot of money off of, which will piss me off like no other because no one will believe that it was my idea first, which is the most infuriating feeling ever. But such is life.

The song is C & C Music Factory's "Dance". The band will be someone like Metallica, Rage, Alien Ant Farm, or Audioslave. It will be VERY heavy on guitar, VERY angry, and it will kick ass.

Just take a moment to picture it. It is funny, AND it is very rock and roll. And it's a good song, man. I'm a genius. You cannot argue that this is one of the best ideas of all time.

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I need to wind down now. It was a very, very good game. By which I mean, of course:

GO SEAHAWKS!!!!!

3 comments:

auntiegrav said...

Best cover I've found since the Monkees' Pleasant Valley Sunday: Elton's Saturday Night done by Nickelback. F-in AWESOME!!!! "Get about as oiled as a DIESEL train!" yeah. I couldn't get more power chord distortion if I hooked my BCRich up to the fuckin' plowing tractor! Gives me goosebumps just THINKIN' 'bout it, man.

Funny you should mention Seal's Crazy. I just ripped it to my Zen last week as filler between some Styx, Rush, and Fixx while I listen to audio books. I can't see the same effect from Alannis, even if she is crazy, she doesn't seem to me to project the irony as well. "In a sky full of people, only some want to fly."

auntiegrav said...

Speaking of Nickelback, I think their new album a dud. But I do like this bit:
"Everybody wants to be big rock stars,
Live in hilltop houses with fifteen cars."

Trebuchet said...

I have just recently been turned on to audio books. As soon as I GET them, I'm tackling "German for Beginners", (which I will use on my trip in June), The 100 Classic Poems, and Stephen Hawking's "Black Holes and Baby Universes".

Agreed on NBack.